God's Amazing Grace: A Personal Testimony

by Steve Badger

I grew up as the youngest of five children, with Christian parents who lived out their faith in God. We were not Pentecostal, but conservative, mainline evangelicals. Daily family devotions included prayer and Scripture readings, and by the time I was a teenager I had read through the Bible more than once.

When I was about 7-years-old, I first professed faith in Jesus as Savior. I'm sure I understood much of what I was doing, but I was a young child with mixed motives. But I felt secure that I was eternally saved.

By the time I finished high school, I was not trying to obey the Lord but was living a worldly lifestyle. Almost every time I went to church I could feel God's Spirit drawing me to Himself, but I consistently determined to wait. I silently said I should wait until I married, or until I finished college, or until our first baby was born.

Thus I found myself in graduate school, married with one child, and far from God though fairly regular in church attendance. My father and Ed, a friend at the university, conspired behind my back to pray for my salvation. Within months Ed found an opportunity to talk with me about my faith in God.

Late one night Ed just happened to bump into me as I worked preparing materials to teach a lab the next day. He started asking me about my faith, making me feel very uncomfortable, of course. Most of the answers I gave Ed included quoting or paraphrasing a passage of the Bible.

Then Ed asked me to try to summarize what being a Christian meant. "Jesus said that if any man wanted to follow Him, he would have to take up his cross."

"And what does it mean to take up your cross?" Ed asked.

After a brief hesitation I answered, "I guess He was speaking of the burdens we must all bear in life."

But Ed pressed on, "The cross was a burden, but that's not the central meaning. You see, after they hung the cross on the Christ, they hung the Christ on the cross!" I wasn't really following his argument, but he continued, "The cross was an instrument of execution, of death, for Jesus. He was saying, 'If you want to follow me, you must die.'"

This sounded pretty radical to me. I sure didn't want to die any time soon. But Ed kept on explaining. "Who is the King of your life? You are. You are sitting on the throne of your life as the ruler. And Jesus is still nailed to the cross as far as you are concerned. But He wants you to get off the throne, take Him off the cross, and put Him on the throne of your life as your Ruler. If you do that, the only position left for you is the cross. Your will must be put to death so that His will can reign in you. And when this happens, you will be born again."

We discussed these things for a while, then I left to drive the 20-odd miles home. But God's Spirit went to work in my heart and mind, bringing to mind some of the Scriptures I had learned as a child.

As I drove north on the interstate a little faster than the speed limit allowed, the Holy Spirit dealt with me. Without warning I began praying aloud. "Wow, God! That's right!" That was my whole prayer, but it summed up my acceptance of the Gospel message Ed had shared with me. And when I prayed, something new, unique, wonderful-yet-frightening happened to me. 

Please bear with me as I try to describe it. There was so much light, I could not see. There was so much beautiful sound, I could not hear. The air smelled wonderful! Even my skin was being stimulated by something. My senses were short-circuited.

How could I drive? I have no idea. But I immediately knew Who had just entered the car. He was Jesus, and I now knew by experience that Jesus was alive. And some time later I realized that I was sitting in my car, parked in my driveway, and I had no idea how I got there.

Most would think that after such an awesome experience, I would simply grow in my new faith. Instead, I lived for the Lord for just a few months, then gradually slipped into all of my old patterns of trusting and living for myself. And then I stumbled into sins I had never committed before.

By this time I had about a year-and-a-half left to finish my doctorate in chemistry, and my wife and I had two children, a son and a daughter. And my wife and I were in the process of seeking a divorce as a result of a sinful lifestyle.

To help me dissolve my marriage, I planned to quit graduate school and move to another city. I had accepted a job in a nearby major metropolitan area and was driving toward this city, when I unexpectedly prayed aloud. "God, I know this is not Your will for me. But right now this is more important to me. After I finish this, I will come back to You and let You work out another will for my life." 

What arrogance! to think that I could dictate to God! Our gracious God did not end my life right then and there, but before sunset that day He brought all of my plans to an end. That evening I drove back home and continued my education. But my life was most miserable as I suffered a deep and prolonged depression.

Soon after that, God, in His grace, sent another to witness to me. Another friend, George, came to tell me of his search for God. Since I didn't have time during the day to talk with George, we made arrangements to meet at John's house that evening.

John, his wife, Pete, and I all sat around John's living room listening to a wonderful story of God's miraculous coincidences to provide George with the witness he needed. But I didn't get to hear the story that first time.

As I sat there on the couch, God's Spirit spoke in my mind. "Do you remember the commitment you made to Me?" he asked. Of course I did. "I have been calling you, but you have not been hearing me," He continued. God now had my undivided attention, and I was terrified! "Why have you been ignoring Me? You go to church, but you ignore Me!"

I'm sure I thought out my excuses, but God ignored them as he continued, "I have been calling you for a long time, and you have not answered. This will be the last time you will hear me call you if you do not answer now. Will you come and follow me? Will you let Me rule your life?" His questions demanded an answer, an immediate answer.

"I hope I don't freak anyone out," I blurted out to me friends, "but I have to pray."

George suggested, "I'm almost through with my story, if you want to wait to pray then." Story? George had been telling us a story? I hadn't really noticed.

"I'm sorry, I have to pray right now," I answered. And I turned and knelt at that couch and very quietly whispered, "God, I do hear You now, and I will follow You now. Please do not leave me." After a few more minutes of prayer I turned and sat up on the couch again. And later I had George tell his story again so that I could hear it too.

This occurred after Thanksgiving, and two very important things happened before Christmas. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit--in spite of the fact that I had never had any real interaction with Pentecostal Christians. And my wife recommitted her life to the Lord, then we committed our marriage to the Lord.

My old friends were shocked at my radically changed lifestyle. "Don't worry," they reassured me, "within a few weeks you'll be back with us doing the things we do. This Jesus-freak stuff is just a phase that will soon pass."

That was 30 years ago, and it hasn't passed yet. And I expect it never will.

Disclaimer: All of the ideas presented in this HTML document are entirely the responsibility of Steve Badger and in no way reflects the policies, ideas, or opinions of any other person or organization.

Copyright © 1997 Steve Badger
Document last revised:   29 September 2001
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